By: Yoinkie
This is the part of my life when nothing happened. It's funny the things you think about, when you can literally feel death. No, not see it coming or fear it; actually FEEL it. The first thing I thought about when it finally happened, was the 11 normal minutes I spent with Nathan Caldwell. You remember me telling you about that, right? It was the 11 minutes after I had just met Nathan on the side of the road in my home town, and was driving him to the mechanic shop. That was before I knew the real Nathan, which is strange to say because I don't really know much at all about Nathan even now. We made good small talk in the 11 minutes. He asked me about my work and relationships, and we enjoyed each others companies, even though we were complete strangers. In a different world, under different circumstances, I think Nathan and I could have become really good friends. He was funny, witty, and a very easy conversation partner. Right now, I'm reminded of a funny story he told me in those 11 minutes. He was telling me about a night where he and his wife got really high and sat around talking about the most bizarre things. "What does a penis feel like", was what Nathan's wife had asked him. Nathan told me that he had a darn good laugh at that one, but at the same time it was an interesting thing to think about. "Well, its hard to explain, because you don't have one, and you have never had one! How do I explain something to someone about something that doesn't really have words to describe it?" Is what Nathan told me he had told his wife that night. At the time, I thought it was just a funny story being exchanged between two guys, but good god, how relevant that story is to me, right now. That's Nathan Caldwell for you, even when he isn't explaining things to you, he still is.
This is the part of my life when nothing happened. It's funny the things you think about, when you can literally feel death. No, not see it coming or fear it; actually FEEL it. The first thing I thought about when it finally happened, was the 11 normal minutes I spent with Nathan Caldwell. You remember me telling you about that, right? It was the 11 minutes after I had just met Nathan on the side of the road in my home town, and was driving him to the mechanic shop. That was before I knew the real Nathan, which is strange to say because I don't really know much at all about Nathan even now. We made good small talk in the 11 minutes. He asked me about my work and relationships, and we enjoyed each others companies, even though we were complete strangers. In a different world, under different circumstances, I think Nathan and I could have become really good friends. He was funny, witty, and a very easy conversation partner. Right now, I'm reminded of a funny story he told me in those 11 minutes. He was telling me about a night where he and his wife got really high and sat around talking about the most bizarre things. "What does a penis feel like", was what Nathan's wife had asked him. Nathan told me that he had a darn good laugh at that one, but at the same time it was an interesting thing to think about. "Well, its hard to explain, because you don't have one, and you have never had one! How do I explain something to someone about something that doesn't really have words to describe it?" Is what Nathan told me he had told his wife that night. At the time, I thought it was just a funny story being exchanged between two guys, but good god, how relevant that story is to me, right now. That's Nathan Caldwell for you, even when he isn't explaining things to you, he still is.
Link to part one: http://higher-perspective.blogspot.com/2013/01/synchronicity-how-i-created-universe.html
Link to part two: http://higher-perspective.blogspot.com/2013/01/synchronicity-how-i-created-universe_26.html
Link to part three: http://higher-perspective.blogspot.com/2013/01/synchronicity-how-i-created-universe_27.html
That was the first thing I thought about when nothing happened. The second thing I thought about when nothing happened, was how different it was from what I thought "nothing was", or what anyone thought was nothing was. I know you are probably want me to describe to you what nothing was and what it felt like, and even though its impossible to do so, I'll give it my best shot, because to really understand my story, you need to understand everything I went through.
If you asked me a week before it happened, to describe to you what I think "nothing" is, here is what I would have told you: Nothing, is where there is no light, hence it must be dark. Wrong. Nothing, is where you cant really tell which direction you are facing, because you cant see a damn thing. Wrong. Nothing, Nothing has no sounds, because if there is no air or anything around you to make a sound, so no sound will be heard. Wrong again. "nothing" is probably cold, because there is no heat source. Sigh, wrong. "nothing" can be described by any human being, because we have seen pictures of empty outer space, hence we are able to comprehend what "nothing" looks like. You catching on to the pattern yet? Yea, wrong again. So basically lets summarize what 6 years of college, and 32 years of life taught me about "nothing": NOTHING.
Before I tell you, as best as I can, what nothing is, you have to throw out every definition you have ever heard of the word "nothing". Why? Because nothing has never existed, If nothing existed then that nothing would be something therefore nothing simply cannot exist. Geez, that last part really made me sound like Nathan Caldwell. Ok, let try this from a simpler perspective. The closest thing anyone of us simpletons can think of when describing nothing would be empty space right? Because Space is a vacuum, and an empty space contains no matter and no physical fields, hence, nothing. But even if there is no matter, gravity still exists here. If gravity exists in this empty space that we are imagining, then this empty space is not "nothing", it is something. Simply viewing this empty space, even if it is just in our mind, doesn't make it nothing, it makes it something. You may never fully understand Nothing, and trust me, you were never meant to. No one was ever meant to, because humans(and aliens and goats and whatever the fuck ever) were never meant to experience "nothing". Unless, of course, your name is either Nathan Caldwell or Neko Clayton, and you find yourselves smack dab in the middle of Nothing, because you destroyed space, time and the universe as a whole. Oops.
I know what you're thinking right now. "Damnit, so what did you see? What did you experience? Tell us something! You were there!" Here comes the laughable part of my entire tale, because what I am about to tell you will not make any sense, and was never meant to. For this part of the tale, I will refer to "nothing" as "hell" simply because I am sick of writing the word Nothing over and over again. So, in Hell there is no light, because light is made of matter, and matter does not exist in Hell. So absence of light equals dark right? Wrong, because darkness is SOMETHING, even if it is just the absence of light. Does a person without eyes see darkness? No, they don't, because they do not have eyes to perceive anything, because they have never seen anything. So, what did I see? I wont try and explain to you what I saw, I will show you. Ready? Ok. If you want to see what nothing looks like, right at this very moment, look at the world through your foot. Focus all of your energy on your foot, and tell me what you foot sees. You can't do it right, because your foot doesn't have eyes? So what would your foot see, if it didn't have any eyeballs to see with? NOTHING. Congratulations, you now know what nothing looks like.
Next, I want you to feel what nothing feels like. Using the tip of your right index finger, I want you to touch the tip of your right index finger. Look at your index finger, and focus all of your god given energy on trying to touch it at the exact same spot, with the exact same spot. Don't do it too long though, you will drive yourself insane. Congratulations, you now know what nothing feels like. Want to hear what nothing sounds like? Go ahead and turn on your stereo, and use your elbow to listen to the music. I think you know where I'm going with all of this.
It felt like death. Not dieing, or suffering, but just death. It felt like not existing, not being a part of anything, not...being. Man has long feared but tried to learn what happens to the human body after we die, and you may think that we end up in this "nothing" place I have described. But don't be afraid, because after you die, you will still be matter, hence you will not end up in this place. And I can assure you that even though I do not know where you go after you die, thank your lord that you do not end up in "nothing". It was the worst moments of my life, and I didn't even know how long it lasted, because time didn't exist in nothing either. But I got out of it, and I found myself Sitting on a beach next to Nathan Caldwell. "hey! welcome back to something! How did nothing work out for you?" Nathan said to me, with a smile on his face that gave me the greatest temptation to punch him. But I didn't, because I was far too happy to be somewhere. Anywhere.
"You know, you could have warned me, you bastard." I yelled back at him. "I could have, but now that you have been there, tell me, what could I have possibly told you to prepare for it?" He has a damn good point, because there really isn't anything he could have said, ad even if he tried, he could have talked about it for hours and still wouldn't have said anything relevant towards it. My anger towards him subsides, and I realize its time to get my bearings again. "where the hell are we now, Nathan?" Its a beach, and its hot, really hot. No one around, but I do see some people in the distance while I look around trying to gather my surroundings. "oh, no were really important. We're in Cancun, Mexico. No real reason to be here, but I thought you might like it considering what you just went through. Here, have a beer. You wont taste it, like usual." I almost ask why I won't taste it, before I remember the Gatorade, and the jalapenos chips.
It was at this time that i realized that I had enough of all of this mystery, and I needed some answers. So I got up, and walked away. I probably should have created a checklist a lot earlier, but I didn't, that's my fault. I think of everything I've went through in the last god knows how long, and think of all the questions I need answered, from Nathan, right now.
1) Why me. Why the fuck, out of all the people in the world, did he choose me?
2) Why anyone? So far, all I really know about Nathan is that he has traveled through time numerous times, been to "nothing" a few times at least, doesn't know why every timeline he goes to ends up in nothing at exactly 7:45pm on January 23rd.
3) What happened that lead to the universe collapsing at exactly that time? Nathan must know something, I know he knows something.
4)How did Nathan know where I would be, at exactly the right time? I've gathered some guesses in my head to this one, but I need to know for sure.
5) Why is he taking me to all of these places? I may not be smart, but I know that something very SERIOUS is happening, and it needs to be fixed. Why are we wasting time sitting on a beach in Mexico?
6) Who are "they"? Nathan mentioned them only once to me, but the mere thought of them brought fear to his face that I had not seen before or since.
7) How can I breathe? While the world and everything around me has been falling apart, even while I was in nothing, I have always been breathing.
8) Speaking of "nothing", now that I have witnessed it, doesn't Nothing now become something? The reason it was nothing before, was because no one had ever seen(or lack there of)it, hence it was nothing. But now, it is something.
Dozens of thoughts and questions keep running through my head, but Nathan calls me over and tells me to sit down. Good, its time to talk. "Nathan, you have to start talking to me, man. While I can make sense of the things around me most of the time, I don't have a clue in hell what really is going on. When are you going to start talking to me?"
"ok, what do you want to know?" Nathan says, while taking another sip of his tasteless beer. "ok, fuck, finally. Ok... how about... OK, why are you travelling through time? Why don't you just return to our timeline? You said you were the most wanted man in the world, but you also said that time only moves forward .25 seconds every time you return to our actual timeline. Lets start there, because that shit makes no sense."
"Ok, I'll answer your last part first. I'm the most wanted man in the world because the second I came to to our universe, to come find you, was the exact second that my team was made aware that I did not return to them. Like I told you before, we are able to jump to any timeline and any universe, but when we return to our actual universe, only that split second will have passed. Well, on every previous trial, as soon as my colleagues or I would time travel, we would instantly return, right to that lab again. The fact that I came to find you, must have instantly tipped off my team, and worse, our funding group, that I took the project TASM device elsewhere on earth, in our universe. When you steal a multi billion dollar device, people are bound to be looking for you. And there are others looking for me as well. But I haven't told you about them, yet. But don't worry, when the time is right, I will tell you about them as well."
Not really the full answer to my question, but hallelujah! for the first time, Nathan actually gave me a response to something I asked him. Good. We're making baby steps in our fucked up relationship. "so how long have you been travelling? And how do you keep track of where you are?"
"This watch here, is more complicated than it looks. I made some adjustments to it after I realized that I wasn't time travelling, rather creating new universes. So now, with this little watch of mine, I can keep track of which universe I am in, exactly where I am, and when I am. Right now, for instance, its 2005, Cancun Mexico." Nathan pauses for a moment, but I do not speak, because I have come to know these pauses very well; these are the pauses where Nathan starts thinking really deeply inside of his own head, and I dare not disturb it. "I've been... I've been travelling for a very long time Nathan. I told you about going back to my wedding day, twice, and living my life. And both times, ending up in Nothing, at exactly 7:45pm. I tested that theory out, I needed to see how many parallel universes were ending at that time, and why. So I traveled And I traveled a lot. I kind of stopped keeping track of time after a while(I smile and nearly crack up when he says this; a time traveler not keeping track of time, how bizarre. But I let him continue). I've probably been travelling for 35, maybe as many as 40...." Nathan gazes off, pondering this question, but not really answering it. So I interrupt one of his pondering moments and ask him, "35 what? days? weeks? months?"
"42 years, 2 months, and 14 days. That's how long I've been travelling." Well, fuck. It's nearly impossible talking to this man. I asked him 1 question that I thought would be simple, and as a result of that, I now have 10 new questions to ask him. 42 fucking years? He doesn't look a day over 30. How? Why? Doing what? "Ive created 3,105 parallel universes, Neko. three thousand, one hundred, and fucking five. Each time I jumped, I created a new one. Even if I jumped into the same parallel universe, but a few years later, I created a new one. That would start from the moment I stepped foot inside of it. 3,105 earths. 3,105 different variations of it. And every single one, no matter when I jumped into it, no matter how little I interacted with it...every single universe, became completely different then ours. The fucking butterfly effect. You know one time, I went to 1974 to watch Bob Marley live, and right when before I got there, I saw a butterfly. So I killed it for sheer fascination. I went to that universe 40 years later to see what happened as a result of the dumb butterfly, and you know what happened? No internet. Go figure. Nathan Caldwell kills a butterfly in 1974 that wasn't suppose to die, and the world has no internet in 2010."
More questions. I almost want to tell Nathan to shut the fuck up, because every minute he speaks to me, I come up with 10 new questions. Why has he traveled for 42 years? Why has he jumped 3,105 times instead of just going back to our universe, or just staying in one? Why does him killing a butterfly in 1972 prevent the world from having internet?
"If you could go anywhere, Neko, and change history, where would you go and what would you do?" I think everyone has pondered this question at some point in there life, and I'm no different. I think I would like to alter my own life in some way, but I wouldn't want to know the consequences of that action. "We have to get to work soon, Neko. But we can make one last stop. So tell me Neko, any place, anytime in the history of earth. Tell me where you would like to go, and what you would like to do, and I'll take you there. Make it count, Neko, because afterwards, we have an awful lot of work to do."
What work is he talking about? I stop thinking about the 3 new questions I now have as a result of the sentence he just said to me, and I start thinking about where I want to go. The power to go anywhere and doing anything, feels like I power I shouldn't possess. I think it over for another minute, and then I figure out what it is I want to do.
"Alright, Nathan. Let's go kill Hitler."
Still love it... One day god or something in my head that was not my own though told me none of this matters. There is no meaning, were just here for now. Since then my only goal is to BE.
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